Is there anything you don't exactly like? Has the light in front of the garage been missing for years? Has he arrived a few hours late to a family party or not arrived at all? Did he shout at your parents?
Well, just try telling the narcissist off. But if you were planning to have a quiet evening, a visit to the movies or the theater, or perhaps even romantic lovemaking, then forget about it altogether and plan to be the target of silent treatment for an unspecified (usually long) duration until you yourself have to come up with an apology saying that your critical reaction was overblown, inappropriate, and not based on objective reality but on your delusions. If the narcissist did or didn't do the thing you were criticizing, it was due to external circumstances beyond his control putting obstacles in his way.
You certainly won't make a mistake in making a promise to try to better yourself in the future in the sense that you will learn to at least minimally control your emotions and statements. But be warned: your self-deception must appear sincere. At the faintest hint of jest or irony, the narcissist will take notice and the situation may get worse (the partner's sulking will extend indefinitely).
The lesson?
Leave criticism COMPLETELY out of your repertoire of mutual communication. Rely on your ingenuity.
The light outside the house
When you spontaneously collapse somewhere because you sprained your foot on a too-high heel, later present it at home as a developing nighttime injury from yesterday's trip to the garage, explaining that if the damn moon had been shining more, you wouldn't have to limp around now and then bother the narcissist by asking him to get something from upstairs in the attic or downstairs in the basement (and you need items from both places right now).
Being late (by any amount of time)
,,Honey, I know you are TERRIBLY BUSY (unlike you, who from his point of view are certainly doing NOTHING, or possibly NOTHING IMPORTANT), so we'll make it so that at the agreed time of the start of the party next time, I and all the relatives will simply arrive wherever you need to be urgently. The place doesn't matter, the important thing is that we all like each other and there is plenty of room in your office and we won't do a big mess."
Being rude to your parents
Don't even bother, he won't remember and will do it again.
Comments